Confessions of a Daydreamer

I’ve seen what you look like as an old man, but not in detail.  I see a smile on your face.  And I know you’re smiling because I’m sitting next to you, looking at whatever it is you’re looking at.  It’s not the definite future.  That is impossible to know since I don’t have any kind of special powers.  I’m not a fortune teller or a magician.  I’m definitely not a psychic.  I don’t even have a Magic 8-Ball.  But, I can see a future.  Not THE future, necessarily, but A future that gives me strength and keeps me settled.  And you’re there, sitting next to me.  Staring out beyond the sea.  And we are happy.  

In this future, I don’t know exactly where we are.  But I know it’s warm as we look out beyond the horizon.  It might be a desert island or we could be vacationing in Florida or Mexico, but it doesn’t even matter.  It just feels right, being next to you and staring beyond the sea.  And how quiet it is; we say nothing as we sit.  We don’t have to.  And it isn’t necessary for me to turn my head to know that you’re smiling.  I just know you are because I can feel it throughout my entire being.  And you know what I’m feeling too because we are finally part of one another.  Incomplete without the other.  And we are happy.

I never see the lines in your skin or the sweat coming off your forehead or how your skin turns browner in the sun as we sit and stare beyond the horizon.  I think that’s because none of that really matters.  I will see you then as I see you today.  And I will have a much stronger sense of who you are, and you will of me.  We will have been through so much; and there’s so much yet to be.  And in the end, as we sit by the sea, we’ll finally just have comfort and safety left when we’re in each other’s presence.  We won’t ever speak of the rough times we’ve shared.  We won’t have to.  But we won’t ever forget them either because they are a part of what’s cemented our feelings and have made us whatever it is we’ll become to each other.  And there will be so many good times, too.  And we will love to talk about those.  And look forward to more.  Maybe this is what you think about when I catch you smiling next to me.  Staring at the horizon beyond the sea.  Where we are happy.

I find myself thinking about the things that drive you to be you.  The person I love through and through.  I’m not religious and never was, yet I do think people have some sort of a purpose to fulfill in their lives.  And I think your purpose is to love.  That’s just my opinion, and if it’s not your true calling, it should be.  The things you make me feel as you throw your love in my direction drop me to the floor.  You make me more emotional than any other person alive.  I feel things, some good and some bad, that no one else has ever made me feel.  You’re one powerful guy.  You are beautiful and just good.  You give everything of yourself and don’t require anything in return.  Make no mistake.  I’m not saying you don’t WANT to be loved in return, but I don’t think that part really drives you.  You love loving.  And when you get to love, you smile.  And your smile makes me smile.  I want to love you and keep you wanting to love.  Maybe that’s my purpose; it’s confusing.  But, I do know your love is powerful stuff and there shouldn’t be an ounce that’s ever wasted.  And when you love it affects us both.  And makes us happy.

Things are awkward as we sit in the present.  Me here.  You there.  Things are emotional.  Difficult.  Trying.  Crying.  Confusing for you and for me.  And yet I still daydream of a future with you where we can stare at the horizon as we sit by the sea.  Me next to you and you next to me.  And my dreams belong to you.  And I hope that’s why you smile, holding my hand years and years from now.  When all the tears are gone.  And the fears have gone.  And we are settled.  And we are happy.